It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for something you are not.

At times I wonder why I don’t seem to love what I love, and be happy with it. Well, shift happens.

My life had since come to a standstill early this year and I can safely say this cos I’m already at like the 3rd quarter of the year and I have assessed the whole situation thoroughly. No, I never asked for any of these to happen. No one would, frankly speaking. But why does it happen? Ask god. Only He will have the answer. Is it fate or what, one may ask. It is, sad to say. Cos you have made your fate turn out to be so. You brought it upon yourself, in my case myself.

Now what do I love; numerous. Too many, in fact. But now it has to narrow down drastically. Too drastically, even.

I can thus safely, too, conclude that I have to come to the age of consequence; of my past doings and all. Just like how Al Gore had put it, we all have come to the age of consequence; what our forefathers had done - good or bad - we all are reaping its benefits, and/or facing the music. Hah.

Tomorrow’s D-Day. The first Friday of Ramadhan this year. Hopefully we all can feel the barakath in the air – ya know? Friday and Ramadhan? How wonderful. (:

*heaves a huge sigh*

A little about myself. Haha. I don’t usually do this cos I myself am not sure of what kind of person I am. No, seriously. I mean, I might know you see. That’s precisely why I’m writing this – cos I’ve remembered it. Haha. I rarely pay attention to how I behave and all. Perhaps it pays to carry around with you a full-length mirror so you could see how you walk, how you talk, how you respond to others, how you eat, how you stone when you umm stone, how you blah blah bla. But not practical, I know. Hah. Oh where was I before I blabbered? Yes, a little about myself.

A little about myself – I’m a carpe diem sorta person, who lives life by the day. I enjoy, or hate for that matter, every single second of the day depending on how the day’s like. And I'd be truly affected by it and my mood for the rest of the day would then depend on how my day had gone. This I think is not quite good. We should be planning for the future; for failing to plan is to plan for a failure. Very the cliché. But it’s true. I’m sure there are a lot out there who’re planners. Born planners. I’m not one. Ha-ha. I tell myself most of the time that I have lotsa time to do things. So dah lah carpe diem-er, procrastinator pulak tu. Aiyoh. Bad combination lah!

I was saying about life coming to a standstill. I had since realized it soon enough and am now on the verge of a giving-up cliff.

Sidetrack: I’m really beginning to love blogging cos I have never done these kinda self-reflections before lah! I’d either forget to reflect upon myself or something lah. Haha. Thanks to God there’s Blogger, and Live Journal and etc! Hahaha.

Sorry, getting back. Quoting my previous art teacher, Mr Tay G C, who last year said: “When you procrastinate, you won’t realize it. It’s until the huge snow-ball effect comes rolling down the hill kinda thing then you start panicking.” This is pretty universal. It’s either you know it or you don’t; you’d only know it when you do. Get me? So life has come to a standstill for me, and as when I start realizing it and has made plans to change, the snowball comes rolling down. Yes, it’s coming down at full speed. Cos this snowball is quite huge and it comes tumbling down from the upper course of the slope where velocity is high and erosion predominates but deposition is weak, all the way down to the lower course (where I’m standing at) where the gradient is gentle and velocity drops plus erosion cannot happen thus deposition occurs. So in this sense, I’m gonna be all covered up by the deposition resulted that is occurring from the erosion afore-mentioned when the snowball hits me. Gosh.

In view of the sacred month of Ramadhan, I hope I get the barakath from Him. I hope we all would as well! *in dire need of taubatan nasuha* An ustaz reminded the jamaah after our tarawih prayes yester night that Rasulullah (pbuh) one said of the month of Ramadhan being segregated into 3 parts of 10 days each in accordance to the 30 days or so – the first 10 in which Allah swt bestows upon the ummah his Rahmat, the mid-10 in which God will be at his Most Forgiving and Merciful and the last 10 Muslims who fully devote themselves to God in it will be let off from the minannar, or hellfire for its doors wil be tightly closed.

So on a lighter note, if you’re reading this, along with me, let’s all do the Syukran Sajda to Him cos we have lived to see this year’s Ramadhan, for we are in total uncertainty to see next year’s. Alhamdulillahi rabbil Alamiin.

You know something; it really makes me feel so much better after typing out my thoughts though it’s kinda funny letting others know your problems. So no, I’m not begging to be pitied upon here. It feels as if a huge load of information has been downloaded to this space off my mind’s hard-disk. Haha! Really, I’m smiling at this point in time. Besides, I get to read what I’m really bothered by. You can’t always rely on your mind to think of so many things can you? Although coming to think of it, reading them over again seems like putting them all back into my mind. Hahaha.

Ok so getting back to the harsh reality, which starts after I click on the “Publish Post” button. It’s time I changed my life!

Marhaba ya Ramadhan people.